Kama Sutra Cookie Cutters
$55
First and foremost on everyone’s list should be Mom. Moms love to bake, right? And nothing says it’s the holidays like the smell of fresh baked cookies as the family gathers around. Although, if your Mom is like mine, she’s been using the same old Santa, star, snowman and tree cookie cutouts since the 70s. Isn’t it time to spice it up a bit and get Mom new cookie cutters? Those crazy Sweds are selling cookie cutters in various sexual positions. From the Wheelbarrow to the Butterfly, there is sure to be a position to satisfy even the most discriminating taste. Personally, I think a cookie cutter in the shape of the Shocker would be a nice addition, but for now you’ll have to settle for the “shockerless” selection. It’s being sold for 35 euro, which I believe is around $55 US dollars. So pick up a set for Grandma too! Come Christmas morning when they open the Kama Sutra Cookie Cutter set, I guarantee you that the look on their faces will be priceless. After all, gift giving is all about taking someone’s breath away and this gift will certainly do just that.
(Spoiler Alert: Your parents still “do it”! I know, I want to vomit at the slightest thought of that too, but I’m afraid it goes on whether we want to believe it or not.)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mom’s Magic Spit Captured In A Can
$9 (2 ounces) $18 (7 ounces)
Now with Mom and Grandma out of the way, we need to shop for brothers and sisters. Like most siblings, you probably have a love/hate relationship with your brothers and sisters, right? With differences cast aside, there is one common bond you all share – Mom or more specifically the healing power of Mom. Remember back to when you were a kid and you fell down and scrapped your knee? Mom immediately went into SuperMom mode and became your own personal on-call doctor. She had that healing touch that only a Mom has. She had the power to soothe with spit. Yes, spit. Nothing cleaned up a dirty face or a scrapped knee faster than Mom’s antibacterial disinfectant spit. She didn’t always have her medical bag (AKA purse) on her when you harmed yourself, so like a military doctor in the field, she had to make do with what she had…and she had spit. And now you can give Mom’s Magic Spit in a can!Momspit (inspired by the original) is the universal no-rinse cleanser. It’s not a sanitizer and does not contain any alcohol. In fact, it’s gentle enough to use on your face. Momspit foams for easy application, eliminates dirt and grime while leaving your skin moisturized and yummy smelling. It’s the perfect thing to throw in your purse, place on your desk, or keep in your car. To use, just apply a small amount on hands or face and rub in completely. No rinse needed, just like the original. Perfect for cleaning milk mustaches too.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Dual Crapper
$1,4000
Time to shop for Dad and if you are like me, you secretly wish you could spend more quality time with your Dad. A little male bonding – some father/son activity you can both share in and enjoy. So what is one of Dad’s all-time favorite activities? Pooping. So allow me to introduce the dual crapper, or as the makers call it “The TwoDaLoo”. Now the idea behind it was to bring couples closer together, but if you ask me, that’s a little too close for comfort. Apparently the makers of The TwoDaLoo think that nothing says you have a tight relationship like being able to take a dump infront of your significant other. Personally, I feel that nothing says you need more space in your relationship if you partner is insisting you even shit together. Dropping a deuce is something I like to do alone, like a big boy.The TwoDaLoo is billed as the world's first toilet two people can use, at the exact same time, while conserving water supply all with one flush. It features two side-by-side toilet seats with a modest privacy wall in between. An upgraded version includes a seven inch LCD television and iPod docking station. Now instead of fighting over bathroom time, you can argue over what station to watch while on the pot.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Barbie Must Die Photography
$5 each
Have a kid on your list? Why not give her something from Barbie? Little girls just love Barbies and they are sure to love this year’s new Barbie Murders collection – perfect for any child’s bedroom. It features an assortment of gagged and bound bloody Barbie shots taken just moments before she died a slow and painful death, full of absolute terror. Now doesn’t that sound warm and fuzzy? Just imagine tucking a little one into bed with one of these hung above her headboard. Many digital prints to choose from. 8.5x11 unmatted and unframed. Hopefully next year they will make a GI Joe collection for boys.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mushroom Knife
$80
Last but not least, you need to get your sweetie something. So why not get her a mushroom knife? You know, for all that mushroom cutting she does. What? Your girl doesn’t hike up mossy hills and cut down fresh mushrooms? Seriously, who does? And who would need such a stupid tool other than maybe Martha Stewart who keeps a blowtorch in her kitchen to finish off a soufflé with a crusted top. Seriously, if you get your girlfriend such an asinine present, I think she has the right to turn around and stab you with it, repeatedly. Now if you are a girl who buys your guy this, chances are he will find a use for it. We are resourceful like that. However, I suggest a nice HDTV for your boyfriend instead.
See, now aren’t all these gift ideas much better than the re-gifted fruitcake idea you were going to resort to? You're welcome.
No comments:
Post a Comment