Fire Crotch Fad Catching On Like Wildfire

I don’t know about you, but I value my privates too much to light them on fire. I’ve seen a lot of Jackass stunts before and I’ll admit I’ve even performed some asinine moves myself growing-up, but not even Steve-O would do this! It’s back to school time and with it comes a new fad, or shall I say a new sport? Lighting yourself on fire with cheap cologne – it’s the hottest thing to do (literally and figuratively speaking)! Oh those crazy kids. You gotta love ‘em! Just what will they think of next?

A 14-year-old boy was badly burned at an Ontario high school after another male student doused him with Axe body spray and set him on fire! The boy suffered 1st, 2nd and 3rd degree burns to his torso. This incident has uncovered a disturbing practice that police say is happening across the map, calling it “a fairly common thing” and “a popular pastime among some teens”. So lighting ones genitals ablaze is the everyday norm now? This officially confirms that kids are in fact stupider today than when I was in high school…which wasn’t that long ago, the 90s. What ever happen to doing drugs? It doesn’t seem all that dangerous anymore when you compare rolling a blunt to willingly engulfing your body in flames.

Police say they are aware that kids are taking body sprays, in particular Axe and Tag, and lighting themselves on fire. Some light their pants on fire while others bare their stomachs before squirting the spray and flicking a lighter. They assume the spray ignites for a split second where there is no damage and little pain inflicted, but the trick can (and did) go horribly wrong.

My Mom told me not to play with matches, but she never said anything about lighting my crotch on fire. So it must be ok I guess. It seems that’s the mindset of today’s youth. I honestly didn’t think kids could get any stupider, but this proves me wrong. Remember the fad where they choked themselves out with a belt, hoping to get a “passing out” high feeling? Well they managed to step it up a notch and out dumb themselves with this one.

Apparently these morons are not only lighting their nether region on fire, but they are also videotaping it to spread on YouTube. Smart, huh? That way other jackasses can see how one properly lights his balls on fire and has his buddy stomp him in the groin to put out the flames. Brilliant! Gee, I wonder what hurts more…having the skin blister and bubble across your junk or getting that swift kick in the nuts after the 3rd degree burn sets in?