Creative People Are Tortured Souls?

“You’re very creative.” She said it with a rather surprised look on her face, but with certainty in her voice. The message was clear – she was paying me a compliment and for that I thanked her. But what she said next, I wasn’t prepared for. She caught me completely off guard. A “umm ahh” wavering in my voice. No words, only nonsensical noises. It’s all I could manage to get out. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to react. She asked me the one question I hate to be asked. How could she just ask me that like it was no big deal? Like it wasn’t going to open up this huge floodgate.

Three little words that only someone who is sworn to a lifetime of confidentiality between therapist and patient should have permission to investigate. And when the interrogation process begins, I should be lying on a nice supple Italian leather couch with my feet propped up in absolute comfort. Then maybe I would be in a state of mind where I could mentally and emotionally prepare a reply. Instead, I am leaning against a lamppost, chit chatting while I wait for the clock to strike seven. On the outside, I remain standing. On the inside, I feel as if I’ve collapsed like a bowl of jelly on the pavement. She’s managed to rattle me to the core. Unbalance me. I wiggle. I squirm. I now feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

“Are you happy?”

It’s all she asked. Of course I take my usual approach when I don’t want to answer a question - I answer a question with a question…“Are you happy?” It’s my way of avoiding the torturous moment or at least postponing it to the point where it is magically forgotten, thus vanishing into thin air. I push the spotlight back on her and force her to endure some of the awkwardness. Just my luck though, it backfires when she responds with a confident and very believable yes. She goes on to say that I don’t need to actually answer. That she just asked out of curiosity. That she heard on Oprah that creative people are really tortured souls. That creative people are often emotionally distraught people. That the internal pain they suffer from comes out in the form of art, music and writing. It’s that expression of pain that forms the tunnel for a creative outlet. Apparently, it’s a tunnel I travel thru often.

So am I happy? I won’t answer that. Am I a tortured soul? It’s up for debate. Although using the word tortured to describe my soul seems rather excessive and harsh. I will say one thing. Some of my best writing has always come when my heart is aching. So maybe she’s right. Dare I say I may even agree with Oprah? Or maybe Oprah agreed with me – I give you a piece of my writing written prior to Oprah’s creative people/tortured soul theory.

2/21/06 - When Words Seem Generic
What is it about pain that produces the most beautiful writing? Someone who has never put more than two sentences together is able to write for a eulogy. A eulogy given with such a profound impact on those that hear it, that you wouldn't be surprised if the tears would flow as effortlessly down your own cheeks as the words flowed from his pen. Is it the longing of what was or what could have been? The struggle of how a different path could have been taken, producing different results? Maybe it's the lose itself and the overwhelming sadness and grief that is left behind? Or perhaps your anxiety, frustration and newly found fears consume you the most? Whatever it is, the overall emotional ache we feel in our own private hearts produces such a gift. When we are alone, more than any other time, is when the emotions flood in. A wave that washes over us. Some destine to swim. Others destine to drown. It is at that moment when he must of picked up his pen and put ink to paper.
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