Contemplating Cheating, With The iPhone

Every once in a while a revolutionary product comes along that changes everything, like the iPod. It changed not only how we obtained music, but also how we listened to it. Now, after more than 2 years in the making, Apple CEO Steve Jobs announced the company's intention to enter the mobile handset market, unveiling the new Apple iPhone. It made it's first appearance to the public at the Macworld Conference & Expo held yesterday in San Francisco. The iPhone brings together several features of the iPod, digital camera, smart phone and even portable computing to one device. With it's widescreen display and touch screen interface, it had geeks and non-geeks alike ewwwing and ahhing! It's a sexy little gadget and, well I just wanna touch it. Who am I kidding? I want to put my hands all over it! But I won't. Or maybe I will. Ugh, temptation.

You know I'm a Tech Whore and by introducing this hot little number to me, I'm very tempted to give it my number. But I won't. I will resist the urge to indulge my primal instincts because my heart belongs to you, my Motorola Razr V3. This isn't a short term love affair. This isn't a few nights of unbridled lust where I throw caution to the wind and ignore roaming charges. This isn't a fling. I won't just fondle your buttons and leave, never to be heard from again. I wouldn't play you like that. It's just not right. I actually WILL call you in the morning and not just say it. I'm in it for the long haul. This is a relationship. One where I've committed. To you. My Razr. My love.

I may look at the iPhone. I may find her attractive. I'll look, but I won't touch. I'll admire from a far. It's ok to fantasize as long as I don't act on it, right? Please say yes. Give me at least that. These are things I can not help. I am man. It's what we do. We lust after sexy looking gadgets. It's Steve Job's fault he made her so damn beautiful. Wait, don't be like that. I was just being honest. Don't drop my call. Don't tell me "service not available". I know you are there. Don't act like this. We have something good going on here - you and me. Come-on, let's talk about this. Let's work it out.

Fine, what you heard wasn't a lie. I did infact say the iPhone has bigger buttons than you. But just like you told me, the size isn't the only thing that matters. How it functions is just as important, if not more so. I know how to turn you on, the iPhone I don't (at least not yet). And does the iPhone make a little noise when I push her buttons? No. The iPhone doesn't beep in delight when I touch her sweet spot ever so gently. It doesn't grant me that audible feedback that I crave, but you do. A little noise to let me know you're with me all the way. With you, I know what buttons to push, even in the dark. You light up when I whisper in your ear. I have your lines memorized and I can trace your silhouette with the tip of my finger, barely grazing your sides. You know you love how gentle I am with you. How I protect you. How I defend you. I treat you right. I will continue to keep you safe from harm and will love you for years to come.

Or at least until my 2 year Verizon Wireless contract is up. Then I'll trade you in for a sexier model...like the iPhone.