My sister scolded me backstage at a photoshoot. The models were running back and forth in 5 inch stilettos, half naked. While they were looking for their next ensemble, I was looking them up and down...and apparently in too obvious of a manner. How did she expect me to react? I wasn't gay, so I certainly wasn't checking out what brand of shoes they were wearing! When you throw candy infront of a boy, you can't expect him not to droll. While I may have some meterosexual qualities about me, I don't think anyone could mistake me for being gay. But there I was, trying to blend in, even though it was so obvious I was the token straight guy.
In a way, it's kind of a shame gay guys are gay because of all the prime "picking up women" opportunities they have before them! They are constantly mingling with women in places where most straight men would never venture - like fashion shows, hair salons and yoga classes. Ahhh, yes. Yoga classes. Where girls are dressed in tiny sports bras and stretchy form fitting pants. Where they are bending, sweating, inhaling deeply and exhaling heavily. What is there NOT to love? To me the math is quite simple. Yoga = flexible. Flexible correlates to sex. Sex = good. Therefore, yoga girls = good. But this is not why I'm thinking about signing up for a yoga class. Or is it?
Last year I was talking with my friend Marissa who is a fitness freak, health nut and yoga girl extraordinaire. She was trying to convince me to take yoga, specifically Bikram Yoga, AKA Hot Yoga. Hot Yoga is where you hold different yoga poses for 90 minutes in a room that is heated to over 100 degrees! Now I've always believed that women don't sweat, they glisten. However, I firmly believe I would be a disgusting mess in that class! In fact, I may actually die. I picture myself getting so sweaty that my hands slide off the mat and I crack my face on the floor - blood everywhere! So even despite her encouragement, I've been reluctant to try it for fear of dying a bloody yoga death...and because I feel kind of gay taking yoga. What do yoga dudes, correction straight yoga dudes, even wear? All I know about yoga is the little my sister taught me just for fun. And it was fun, especially the power yoga! I can hold a crow pose all day like nobody's business!
Most likely I would be the only guy in the class! Or at least the only straight guy. Now normally I wouldn't complain having the male to female ratio weigh so heavily in my favor, but I don't want to be seen as the creeper. You know, that token straight guy in the class that is there strictly because he's looking to pick up chicks. The guy who is too busy focusing on the perfect, firm ass beside him rather than what the instructor is trying to teach him. No one likes that guy. Although I'm really not that guy because I honestly want to take it because it looks like fun. Seriously, stop laughing. It's true! And for someone who has had a massive headache for 3 straight days now, I think I could use something to help me unwind from work and just life in general. Yoga is the total opposite of my MMA training and I like that. But is the token straight guy accepted in yoga class or will he shunned at the door?
They say yoga has many benefits. Not only is it a wonderful un-stresser, but it has been known to strengthen one's mind by increasing your IQ! Yoga can also strengthen your body while improving your sex life!
So let me get this straight. If I take yoga, I'll be surrounded in a roomful of sexy eye candy as I become an un-stressed genius who is an unbelievable lay? Yes, please! Sign me up for that!
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