God It’s Killing Me!

Bragging is the art of tooting one’s own horn. It’s patting one’s self on the back. It’s not a sexy act. In our society, being modest and humble is preferred. Boasting is cocky. It’s self-absorbed arrogance. It’s grandstanding. It’s showboating. It’s running your mouth and being an attention-whore. It lacks many favorable qualities, but most of all it is the definition of total disrespect and is a poor display of refined gentleman-like behavior. My Mamma raised me better than that. Or did she?

I believe in the art of discretion, especially when it comes love, sex and relationships. Still, I’m struggling with the overwhelming urge to brag in tasteless and vulgar frat boy fashion! God it’s killing me! I have an extra swagger in my step today and I want to tell the world why. I want to gloat in the worst way! But I can’t. I promised I wouldn’t and I keep my promises. I gave my word that it would be treated with the utmost discretion and all her secrets are safe with me. I even swore on my dog’s life that I wouldn’t tell a sole. Now you know I’m serious! If nothing else, karma alone will force me to keep that promise.

I may not always be that trusting of others, but I’m good with trust. Trust is something I am capable of. If you put your trust in me, you can sleep well that night knowing that when you awake, I’m just as trustworthy today as I was yesterday. And I can promise that you can trust me tomorrow and the days that follow as well.

So if I have to stitch my mouth closed with duct tape, so be it. If I need to tie my hands together to keep from expressing the words I am unable to speak of, so be it. I have to hold strong here. I can’t fall victim to the accolades and knuckle bumps from my buddies that are sure to follow if I blab. It’s not that I would thrive off of their jealousy or envy, but it would feel kind of good, as terrible as that is to admit. Although, if I would be praised right now, that would make me the equivalent of a dog. I don’t want to be a dog, so I’ll just keep this to myself, enjoying the inner glow and ego trip while it lasts.