10 Great Uses For Vodka, Other Than Drinking It

Open up my freezer and there you shall find her, vodka, chilled for your pleasure. (Right next to the frozen push-up pops. And yes, I’m a giant child.) If you know me, then you know my favorite drink of choice is vodka. Vodka on the rocks. Vodka in a mix. Vodka anything will do, but not the cheap stuff, that will make your head pound like a drummer boy marching across your skull in the morning! Grey Goose and Sky are about as cheap of vodka that I will touch. When it comes to vodka, the smoother the better I say. But did you know that vodka has so many more useful purposes than turning the butterface at the end of the bar into a 10? Vodka also has a long history of use as medicine, having been sold by druggists to cure everything from infertility to colic and the plague! While some of those historic promoters were half-cocked, it's true that vodka has a wide range of potential uses beyond serving as a relaxer and social lubricant. Why would you want to do anything else with vodka but drink it? It is widely available, effective and less toxic than many of the chemical alternatives you might use for these tasks.

Oh how I love vodka, let me count the ways...

1. Defeat Poison Ivy
For many, one of the hazards of enjoying the great outdoors is an encounter with poison ivy, oak or sumac. It can lead to a nasty, long-lasting rash. Unfortunately, thanks to global warming, the plants are spreading. Many people have reported that if they immediately pour vodka over an area that has contacted poison ivy, the alcohol will wash away the culprit urushiol oil and they won't experience an uncomfortable reaction. Some have said that the vodka needs to be at least 100 proof to work. Others have argued that straight rubbing alcohol works better, but I’m guessing you may not have that as handy at your average drunken backyard BBQ.

2. Freshen Laundry
Keep your clothes smelling fresher with vodka! Simply spritz your duds with the stuff, then hang to dry in a well-ventilated area. (Do a spot-test first to be safe.) Vodka kills odor-causing bacteria, but doesn't leave a scent when dry. Tada!

3. Get Your Shine On
It's easy to get your chrome, glass and porcelain fixtures shining like the top of the Chrysler Building. Guess what does the trick? Ah, vodka, duh. Moisten a soft, clean cloth with vodka, then apply a little elbow grease. Bling, bling, bitch!

4. Preserve Flowers
If vodka can help you find love, then it can also help you preserve it...or at least the symbols of it. Add a few drops of vodka and a teaspoon of sugar to the water in your flower vase. It should help keep your flowers fresh longer. Change out the mixture with fresh ingredients daily.

5. Do Battle with Insects
Unless you are intent on proving how "hardcore" you are, or have a bizarre fetish, you probably don't enjoy getting feasted on by insects. Most of us are pretty sure we don't want to take the risk of spraying ourselves in the face with poisonous bug killers. So who knew that vodka can kill pesky insects, as well as nagging doubts at the bar? Pour a little of the saucy spirit in a spray bottle and squirt on the little buggers, or yourself as a repellent. Of course, DO NOT attempt this at a bar because dousing yourself in vodka will only cause the alcoholic sitting adjacent to lick you! Remember, we are looking for a pest repellent, not an attractant.

6. Soothe Jellyfish Stings
Jellyfish are fascinating, beautiful sea creatures. But their stingers can pack a powerful, painful punch. For vegetarians and others who don't travel with meat tenderizer (or who don't feel comfortable asking friends to, um, relieve the pain) take heart. Vodka can also disinfect and alleviate some of the bite of a jellyfish sting.

7. Get Great, Shiny Hair
Vodka doesn't just make you think people look prettier. It actually can make people prettier. Try this remedy for healthier, lush hair: Add a jigger of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. Lather, rinse and repeat if needed.

8. Clean Away Mold
Got mold? The stuff spreads easily and can severely diminish indoor air quality. But instead of harsh chemical sprays, try filling a recycled spray bottle with some bottom-shelf vodka. Spritz on, then let sit for 15 minutes. Scrub away with an old toothbrush (your significant other’s should work just fine).

9. Make a Soothing Tincture
Do you find the scent of lavender soothing? Did you know that herbalists have used it for generations to ease aches and pains? Here's a fun DIY tip: Fill a clean glass jar with fresh lavender flowers, then top off with pilsner vodka. Seal the lid tightly and place in the sun for 3 days (same idea as making sun tea). Strain the resulting liquid through a coffee filter and poof! You have a homemade tincture to rub into aches and pains. You can pour into smaller bottles, decorate them and give them as unique gifts. How Martha Stewart-ish!

10. Ease a Toothache
Got a toothache? Your first priority should be to see a dentist. But sometimes you can't get an appointment right away or you’re told it will just have to heal on its own. In that case, try swishing a shot of vodka over the affected area. It can help disinfect and should numb some of the pain in your gums. Now if you can resist swallowing the shot of vodka, you’re a better man than me. (And before anyone cracks a "spit or swallow joke", let me just say I do neither, but I do prefer a girl who swallows. I know, TMI. TMI.)

I just want to make it clear to everyone that no vodka was hurt while compiling the tips for this post. Personally, I have never used vodka for anything other than drinking purposes. And as useful as all these tips are, I probably still won’t ever use vodka for anything other than achieving a good buzz or a complete blackout. I have simply too much respect for alcohol, especially top-shelf vodka, and I just can’t bring myself to pouring it over a jellyfish sting. Besides, that’s what piss is for. Don’t waste vodka for a job that urine can easily tackle.