“Anyway, I had a dream about you last night. Well, actually you looked like our mailman (red hair, freckles) but for some reason, I identified it as you. You were driving down my street in your metallic salmon-colored Porsche and I flagged you down. And then you followed my friend and I to this house I've never been to. You were wearing a Penn State t-shirt trimmed in lace. (Not a good look, by the way. In case you have a lace-trimmed psu shirt.) I do remember cuddling with you at some point. You're pretty cozy. ;) But I don't think anything else happened - probably because you looked like the red-haired mailman. Perhaps the reality is better than that dream.”
I got the ok to post this, but I’m not going to identify who sent me this e-mail over the weekend. I don’t have the slightest idea why she would have dreamed about me. And in such a bizarre fashion? I don’t own a Porsche. Porsches are probably my least favorite sports car. Now even if I did own one, who in their right mind would pick salmon paint on a Porsche or any other salmon-colored car for that matter? When I read her e-mail, I actually had to think what the color salmon looked like. Does that make me dumb? Or maybe that just makes me not gay. Girls always have these fancy names for various color shades that exist in the world. I think nail polish and lipstick may be to blame for this. It turns out that salmon is a pinkish color, like a salmon fish. That makes sense, but me driving a pink car? If this was my dream, it would have been a nightmare! Would it sound manlier if it was a peach Porsche or flesh-colored Porsche?
Although nothing says “stud” like a t-shirt trimmed in lace. Now I do have a Penn State shirt. I have a few actually since I graduated from there, but one trimmed in lace? That I don’t think I have. Unless I have it and it stored next to my sparkly belly shirt. I like my belly shirt because not only does it show my belly, but its low cut enough to showcase my moobs (moobs = man boobs). You know how I enjoy dousing my twin peaks with glitter before I go out clubbing and cruising. And now you have me totally worried that my red mailman hair clashes with my pink Porsche! Speaking of mailmen, I have to ask, was I sporting the short shorts and black crew socks pulled up to my knees as well? Now THAT is a sexy look!
I like to think of myself as a cuddly guy. So I thank you for saying that I’m pretty cozy. Although I can understand how it didn’t go past the couch cuddling due to my dress attire. I wouldn’t makeout with a dude layered in lace either. Next time though, it might be safer to dream of me naked, minus the fire crotch since I’m not a redhead. Then let me know if it goes anywhere from there. Just remember though, if you ever see me driving by in my pink Porsche and lace tee, holla at your boy.
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