Have A Happy Period :)

Sometimes angry women scare me. Sometimes angry woman make me laugh. Sometimes angry woman scare me AND make me laugh. Such is the case with this girl, her rant will follow shortly. Needless to say, when a woman is on her period, look out! I fear anything that can bleed for nearly a week straight and still live! Can that even be human? Anyway, I'll admit it, I'm somewhat frightened of women around that time of the month. However, growing up with 3 women (Mom and 2 sisters), I learned how to deal with these types of things. I even have a tried and trued method on how to keep a "happy girlfriend" and survive her PMS rages. Although that is for another day, another post. For now, enjoy this piece below. Let me warn you that she has a potty mouth. Fowl language will ensue. She will spew the F bomb with a vengeance. If phrases like "motherfucker" offend you, then discontinue reading now. If you want to hear this woman roar, then read on. Unedited, uncensored and in it's entirety.

You can actually send a Happy Period e-card to a friend!
Are you kidding me? Most women would probably reply with
a nice big "Go Fuck Yourself Procter & Gamble".

Written by an Anonymous PMSer...

Ok so Always, the brand that makes pads, is on this whole "have a happy period" kick. Now they put it on their pads, ya know on the little piece of paper that covers the adhesive side, yup in some nice little feminine script it says "have a Happy Period." I see that shit and I'm like what the hell...it's bad enough that they actually say that crap in commercials like i'm really gonna stop and think and be like...wait...I never thought of that...all this time i've just decided to be bitchy, and bloated, and broken out, and crampy and in tears during my period, when all along i could've been having happy periods. On the beach in a bikini (maybe an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot one), or in a coffee shop with my girlfriends who also have their period, but you wouldn't know it cuz we're all just so fucking happy about it.

Forget the fact that I'm bleeding like a slaughtered pig, forget the fact that I now have to walk around wearing a fucking diaper hoping I don't bleed on everything, forget the fact that now I'm horny as fuck but can't get any and guys must know when a girl has her period and find us extra attractive cuz they always wanna try to touch your ass on those 5 fucking days a month that you've gotta wear this mini diaper and period panties, and when u ask them not to touch your ass they always gotta fucking ask why, CUZ I'M ON MY FUCKING PERIOD YOU MORON, forget the fact that I'm already bloated but craving french fries, potato chips, chocolate, cake...chocolate cake. Forget all that shit and have happy period. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE A HAPPY PERIOD!!??

You can fucking suggest the shit, why don't you give some pointers. Maybe it involves a whole lot of valium, And you know normally I would think that some dimwitted dick came up with that slogan, but no I'm sure it was some high powered business woman in her navy blue skirt suit and stilletto pumps trying to show that she can make it in a mans world...I bet she doesn't have happy periods, i bet she takes fucking birth control year round so that she has no periods, so that instead of spending a week with premenstrual syndrome, a week on her period, another week with post menstrual syndrom and then another week dreding that in a week she's gonna be PMSing again she can have the time to come up with nifty slogans as if telling me to have a happy period is gonna make me buy your product more, like theres something extra special about your pad. Guess what bitch, you've got a product that people are gonna buy whether u advertise for it or not... it's like gasoline, or toothpaste, or condoms we're gonna buy it no matter what, we have to, we need it to survive . so FUCK YOU and fuck your happy period.

and for the record, I am NOT having a happy period.

(Side Note: If I'm not mistaken, it's 2006, almost 2007. Who still uses pads? I didn't know the pad was still competing since the invention of the tampon. I wasn't aware they sold pads, but then again I'm not really up on the feminine hygiene line of products. And just for the record, that girl...I think someone needs a hug. But I'm not touching her. She's super angry and scary sounding! Be afriad. Be very, very afraid.)