The Circle Of Trust

It's commonly referred to as "The Circle Of Trust". That imaginary ring that binds those who have developed an open and honest relationship with you, to you. It's built over time until it reaches a level that permits you to feel comfortable enough to just say what you need to say and know that in saying it, that the words don't leave the room. A connection deep enough that allows you to freely share your inner most thoughts, feelings and secrets. Not all friendships can deliver this "Circle Of Trust", but shouldn't all families have this? Shouldn't there be there some unspoken law that states that you can confide with those that share your own flesh and blood? And in doing so, you can openly wear your heart of your sleeve in their presence, but to the outside world, you can choose to remain somewhat a mystery. Someone you can't always define, but yet others are given the opportunity to peer in from time to time. The amount of openness I share is based purely on the level of emotional safety I feel with a person.

I think in a good close family this unspoken law exists. I've always believed I belong to such a family. A good close family is something I take pride in and a good close family is something I look for in those I date. I feel that a girl who has a good relationship with her family, and in particular with her Father, has more often than not been given a solid foundation in which to build her male relationships with later in life. The same can be said about a Mother and a son. The old cliché "how a guy treats his mother is the same way he will treat you." I feel that is fairly accurate. If a girl has many "Daddy issues", chances are she will have many issues with you. And a guy that speaks poorly of his own Mother, is a guy that has little to no respect for women in general. You don't need to be a psychologist to figure this out, but you do need to have common sense. Building a solid foundation in which to grow from in life is important. And developing a level of trust in any relationship is crucial.

My one sister refers to me as "The Vault". Whatever she tells me, stays with me. And really, isn't that how it should be? I'm a vault when it comes to keeping a secret, but I'm not a vault when it comes to being secretive. My personality does contain an element of secrecy to it, but it's not as much about secrecy as it is about protecting my privacy. Discretion is a good thing. It's one of the many Scorpio traits that fit me. It also meshes well based on what I do for a living. It's a perfect match actually. However, when it comes to my personal relationships, I desire the complete opposite. I want to feel that level of emotional safety and experience the intimacy of complete openness on every level. There isn't a single aspect of me that I do not wish the right person to discover. I've never had a problem showing my emotions or expressing how I feel and if someone were to dispute that statement, then they simply do not know me at all. They have not reached a level of intimacy with me that allows me to be that "open book" that I can be...and often craving to be.

Like in the movies "Meet The Parents" and the squeal "Meet The Fockers", once a person is cast from the "Circle Of Trust", is there any way back in? A circle is an unbroken ring. It has no revolving door. There is no escape window that allows you to come and go from the circle as need be. You simply can't pass in and out of a circle. A circle can not easily be broken, but trust...trust can be. And what happens when trust has been broken within a family? What if the sever takes places between a Mother and son? If I wasn't close with my Mom, this probably wouldn't be that big of a deal for me. But I am close with my Mom, therefore it is a big deal to me. So much so that now I feel if I can't trust my own Mother with things, than who can I trust? I don't want to be that guy that has trust issues. I've been him before and I've worked very hard to move past that hurdle. I think I've come a long way and now out of nowhere, a new hurdle has popped up. I'm sure I'll climb over it too, but it would be nice if I shared that level of trust with someone to talk about it.

See the pattern? When trust is broken, it's trust that is the key ingredient needed in order to overcome a problem. But how do you do that? How do you confide in someone and tell them what's going on when the very problem you have is not being able to confide in someone? Round and round the circle goes.