Indifferent

Today is Valentine's Day. And I'm not going to write about love.

I'm indifferent to Valentine's Day this year. Not happy/excited. Not sad/depressed. Not filled with love. Not filled with hate. Just indifferent.

Nearly every February 14th since I was 14, I've had a girlfriend. I recently realized that I've been with someone more than I've been on my own. And I don't know if I'm ok with that. I like "me time." I like being Perfectly Lonely. And I rarely feel lonely when I'm alone. In fact, there have been times I've felt more lonely WITH someone than WITHOUT them. That I'm not ok with.


It seems like there's always some girl/s in the picture. The last "relationship" I was in started less than a week after my previous relationship had ended! And despite me being completely honest and upfront by saying I wasn't looking to get into anything serious, somehow feelings started to sprout up and things got messy and...well, you know how it goes.

Valentine's Day is one of those days people either love or loathe. There never seems to be an inbetween. I feel inbetween. I feel indifferent.

I never understood why girls want everyone to jump on their bandwagon. If they are in love, they want all their besties to find love too. And if they are single, they want all their besties to hate on men/love/relationships too, to despise Valentine's Day like a red-headed stepchild. (Misery loves company?) Then there are those that like to exercise their "I am woman, hear me roar" girl power to it's fullest. They proudly shout from the mountain tops that they are happy riding solo and wouldn't want it any other way. Maybe that is true for some, but I have a hard time believing that the vast majority truly feel single and fabulous. Instead, I believe they are too ashamed to admit they aren't Perfectly Lonely, but rather just lonely. Period. At least on this day.

Single guys aren't much better. They give their buddies a hard time who have girlfriends - constantly saying how much more fun they would have if they played the field more instead of being tied down to one girl. Personally, I think everyone should just leave everyone else alone. Stop pushing love. Stop pushing hate. Stop the parade. Stop the pity. Just stop.

I'm not writing anyone a love letter. I'm not sending anyone flowers. I didn't go shopping for a platinum and diamond surprise. And I didn't even make dinner reservations at any dimly lit pricey restaurant. Instead, I've given myself a gift. The gift of indifference. And it feels pretty fucking good! It feels good to no longer feel.

Yes, today is Valentine's Day and I couldn't care less. It's just another day to me. Although if you're struggling to cope today, then let this beautiful poem and video be my Valentine's Day gift to you - How To Be Alone.

Happy Valentine's Day to the single and fabulous. To the single and not feeling so fabulous. To the Perfectly Lonely. And to those who are just feeling lonely, period. David got love for ya.