Really, I'm Fine

Yesterday I read a post titled You’re Not Really "Fine." And today it hit me. I’ve been saying "I'm fine" a lot over the past month - at work, out with friends, to my family, and even home alone with my dog. Not only do I tell others that I’m fine, I also I tell myself I’m fine. I do it because we are told by all the Zen gurus that you should fill your mind with positive thoughts. That you are what you think. So I tell myself I’m fine and hope that saying it enough will convince some part of my brain to not only believe it's true, but make it true. That's self-affirmation at its finest!

I admit it. I’m guilty of saying "I’m fine" sometimes even when I’m not. I’ll say it mostly because I don’t want to burden other people with my feelings. I know most people only ask how you are or if you’re ok to be polite. So my "I’m fine" response is my polite way of quickly answering the question I know they don’t REALLY want the full answer to. Plus, it's uncomfortable and guys aren’t as good at expressing their emotions as women are. We are taught to be strong and in control of our emotions and the situation at all times. To lose that strength or control is embarrassing. I lost that strength and control. And it was embarrassing.

Therefore, saying "I'm fine" will save me from humiliating myself in the future.

It seems crazy that someone/something that once made you feel so incredibly strong has left you feeling so incredibly weak. You probably have no idea what I'm talking about...but that's fine. Anyway, I think I'm fine now, or at least getting there. I hope it's also fine with everyone that I continue not to talk about it. I would like it if we could all try to forget "it" (that shower scene), perhaps pretend "it" didn't happen. I wish I could do a Tosh.0 Web Redemption and redeem my manhood. But unless or until Comedy Central comes knocking on my door for that opportunity, I'm just going to say "I'm fine."

Really, I'm fine.


***NOTE***
This marks my 1,000 post! It also marks my return to blogging. Or at least I'm going to give this blogging thing another shot, even if the passion to write hasn't come back yet.