Being You Is Enough

I'm a competitive freak! I compete at anything and everything. I just can't help it. From sports and business to video games and "how many fruit snacks can you shove in your mouth" game with my 6-year-old niece. (Which by the way I won last time with 3 full bags of fruit snacks in my mouth. I could have set a fruit snack world record by doing more, but she made me laugh, causing me to nearly choke to death at her tea party table! I blame her. I mean, who serves pretend tea to their choking guests?) You are either born with the competitive gene or you're not. Clearly I was born with it, whereas my sisters clearly were not. I must be challenged. A mind is a terrible thing to waste, so I challenge it. And you have a body, so why not use it? That is my philosophy. Competition among others is normal and perfectly healthy. However, competition in a relationship is not.

I'm not talking about competing for a girl or guy's attention in some bar. And I'm not talking about competing in a friendly game of miniature golf on a date. I'm talking about competing within the relationship, with one another. That private competition you have going on in your head with them - where you compare your personal accomplishments alongside theirs. Or maybe it's just me who does this? I'm ashamed to admit I've done it, but proud to report I quickly overcame it. And relieved that she never knew I did it! Well until now, depending on whether or not she reads my blog.

While I was completely impressed by her long list of accomplishments, I was also a bit irritated by the fact that she was better than me in so many areas! I didn’t like losing, especially to a girl! I learned she had a slightly higher GPA than me in college and graduated with honors, whereas I just missed graduating with honors. "That’s ok," I told myself. I’m sure she wasn’t a double major like me. And then, I found out she was. Again I told myself, "that’s ok." I’m sure I’m more athletic than her because I attended college on an athletic scholarship. That’s when she tells me she just completed a triathlon. Seriously? Damn it! It was then that I didn’t want to know anymore. Clearly this girl would win in a game of "I Bet You Can’t Top That." I had met my match. And trying to impress her was going to be one hell of a challenge!

Although just as the concern of "how could I impress someone like her" crossed my mind, I recalled back to a previous relationship from a few years ago. At the time I had felt in inadequate. I found it difficult to impress her and often wondered what she liked about me. She seemed so much more worldly than me that I felt as if we were from two different worlds! I would quietly compare us in my head and the facts were clear. My bookshelf is not as full. My music collection is not as deep. My passport is not as decorated. That is when she put all my fears to rest in one breath. She said...

"Being you is enough. It’s definitely enough."

I’m sooo appreciative of those words because even to this day I remind myself of that simple fact. Being you is enough. I stopped trying to impress. I stopped trying to audition for other people’s lives. And most importantly, I stopped comparing myself to the lives of others. There is always going to be someone better looking, more successful, smarter, faster, stronger, just better than you. And while you shouldn’t stop competing in life, you should stop comparing yourself and your life to others. You will exhaust yourself trying to match or triumph them. Because at the end of the day if you find yourself surrounded by people you feel jealous or envious of, maybe the real issue isn’t that they’re beating you, but rather you aren’t pushing yourself hard enough.

So instead of allowing yourself to feel even a tiny shred of animosity toward them, be happy for them. Be proud of their accomplishments. Encourage them. Support them. Help them reach all their dreams and achieve all their goals. Because believe me, when something great happens to someone you really care about, it’s as if something great happened to you.