Women Never Cease To Amaze Me

Women never cease to amaze me. I just never know how you will react. For instance, the post titled A Letter To My Future Girlfriend, which I thought was rather warm and fuzzy, somehow promoted one of the angriest hate mails (Love Me Some Hate Mail) my blog has ever received! So when I wrote The Manwhore Relapse post, I was bracing myself to be flooded with hate mail. In that post I basically bashed women and made a bunch of crass statements while vowing to return to my manwhoring ways. However, to my pleasant surprise, I didn’t receive a single hateful e-mail on it! Not a one! In fact, what I did receive were letters of understanding, support, praise and even encouragement! Now of course there were those advocating against it, but even then it was expressed in a very sweet and sympathetic way. Thank you for that. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for seeing pass this ugly phase of mine and seeing who I really am, or rather who I have potential to once again be.

What’s even more shocking is that his new "fuck it" (I swear no pun was intended) attitude that I have seems to actually attract girls. For example, in the past week I’ve been asked out twice, by two different girls. Baffled by this sudden turn of events, I had a little talk with my buddies to get their thoughts...

Mike: "Most guys don’t get asked out once in their life, let alone twice and in the same week!"
Chad: "I’m lucky if a girl will go out with me twice."

While their comments made me laugh, they weren't very helpful in determining why girls are looking my way when my head is clearly turned in the opposite direction. I hate women, remember? I said it just days ago here on my blog. Of course they most likely don't know I have a blog so that explains that. Still, I have to believe that I'm giving off a rather cold and unwelcoming vibe. No?

Before I go out with either of these girls, they will have to pass a slew of tests! I just refuse to get involved with any more shady chicks. First I would check to see if she is mentally stable, psychiatric evaluation. Then I would see if she is a dirty whore, STD test. Next determine if she is a liar, lie detector test. Are you married? Engaged? Have a boyfriend? Are you an illegal alien? Are you an actual alien? Were you born a woman? I'll need to know all of that too. Next comes the examination of her criminal record, making sure one doesn't exist. I’ll discover whether or not she is a gold digger - maybe hide my car keys, tell her I drive a bucket and wait for her facial expression? Lastly, I would need to do a drug test on her and check to see that she isn't already preggers...I'm not being some baby's Daddy that isn't even mine!

Although necessary, that probably sounds a little excessive, which is exactly why manwhoring sounds so good right now! Manwhoring is simple and fun. Two things I love - simplicity and funnery. And while I may have updated my booty call list, no one is on speed dial just yet. Although it’s nice to know that at a push of a button that can be arranged. That safe, uncomplicated, meaningless sex is just a phone call away. Oddly enough, that gives me comfort. And because it does, that tells me that I’m in no way ready to dive into any type of real relationship anytime soon. Love is overrated anyways, said the bitter boy.

For now, I leave you all with some advice that was dispensed upon me just last night.

"We settle for far too much in this life...love should absolutely positively without a doubt NOT be one of those things."