I don’t understand it. I really don’t. Maybe one of you can explain it to me. First, you need to read my guest post 9/23/09 - We Prefer Lazy Love to fully grasp what I'm about to say...
Last month I guest blogged for freelance writer Melissa Blake. I took my time on writing the post, partially because I was extremely busy with work when she asked me to write and partially because I wanted to get the words just right. I wanted to give it some thought. Although at the same time, not so much thought that I was no longer speaking from the heart. I wanted to be clear and to be perfectly honest with her. And I was. I answered the question she proposed to me. "Why do guys run the other way when they see me, especially in my wheelchair?"
Now anyone would find some degree of difficulty in answering a question like that! And I have to admit, I was a bit nervous in doing so. Still, I did it. Then I worried how readers would receive it. But decided my work was done and to let the chips fall where they may. However, to my pleasant surprise, everyone seem to love the post! Even Melissa Blake herself called it, and I quote, "great!" Then suddenly she had a change of heart. It turned black when she wrote this very insulting response to my post...
Girl Talk: Why Are Men Reluctant To Date A Woman With A Disability?
by Melissa Blake
I recently met David through my blog. He was charming, witty and funny. After a bit of friendly Twirting (flirting via Twitter, the equivalent of computer footsie), he said he thought I was pretty funny too and even admitted to being a bit intimidated when I told him how strong my physical disability, Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome, had made my arms. This bone and muscular disorder has resulted in more than 26 surgeries to correct joint contractures, scoliosis and to straighten my leg muscles. You’d be amazed how strong my arms could get just from using a walker for 20+ years. They’re like giant muscles of steel, only smaller and dotted with cute freckles.
Well, this was a first, so feeling a bit bold, I asked him to guest-post from the male perspective on a question that has nagged me since my days in high school when I’d look at other girls and how the guys easily flocked to them. The question: Why are guys so reluctant to date – at the very least, approach – a woman with a disability?
His response: “Men are lazy.”
I thought his honesty was refreshing (heck, sexy even) at first. Here was a guy with enough decency to be open and honest with me instead of placating me and treating me like a breakable, fragile China doll. It seemed too good to be true, which is probably why the feeling didn’t last long.
You see, honesty is only attractive if it’s true. The more I thought about his “laziness” explanation (which was quite a lazy one at that; irony, anyone?), the more it started to seem like one of those Warhead candies I used to love as a child. They’re sweet on the outside, but suck on that candy long enough and you eventually find yourself at its sour center.
Insults sugar-coated as compliments aren’t honesty. They’re cop-outs. Big time. David wasn’t trying to let me down gently. He was just trying to let himself off the hook.
If you didn't agree with what I had to say, that’s fine and you’re welcome to engage in a friendly debate with me. But talking shit on someone behind their back, especially after you lied to their face with an insincere "great" compliment, isn't cool. It's deceitful, cowardly and down right cruel. You posted that on the pages of some minuscule website probably hoping I wouldn't notice it, but I did. Hey, the least you could have done is link back to my original post to let the readers of that website decide whether or not I was feeding you "insults sugar-coated as compliments."
From now on, I have 3 rules that apply to everyone:
1. Don’t ask my opinion on something if you don’t want to hear my answer. And if you can’t handle the truth or think what I’m saying isn’t the truth, that’s not my problem. It’s yours.
2. Don’t ask me to do you a favor if you can’t be gracious or courteous to me in return.
3. Don’t ask me to guest blog. I’ll no longer do it for anyone.
If you think society automatically labels you incorrectly because you have a disability, well society will also automatically label me incorrectly as an asshole because I'm not sitting back and allowing outrageous behavior from someone to slide simply because they are in a wheelchair. Everyone deserves to be treated with a little kindness in this world, including you...and even including me.
***NOTE***
For newcomers to my blog, I know this post doesn’t make a good first impression, neither did my Manwhore Relapse post. Still, I ask for you to forgive. I swear I don’t make a habit of arguing with disabled girls and sleeping around. For the most part, I’m a nice guy...with occasional bad behavior that probably deserves a spanking.
My apologies to my Mother.
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