Your Ass May Be Lazy, But Your Nuts Don't Need To Suffer

It’s wrong to kick a man when he’s down, but it seems the homeless are encouraging people to kick them in the nuts when they are down and out. Did AA dump the 12 Step Program in favor of the 1 Kick Program? Just $10 for a good hard swift kick to the nuts? I think that’s an outstanding deal! But really, just because you are a lazy ass (essentially a bum), do your nuts really need to suffer? As Chris Rock once said…”If a homeless person has a funny sign, he hasn’t been homeless that long. A REAL homeless person is too hungry, to be funny.”

I took my “kinda sorta not really girlfriend” to the ballet and when the show was over, a bum was waiting outside to hit everyone up for change. It’s not just begging complete strangers for money, that he did nothing to earn, that irks me. It’s the fact that he will turn around to spend another’s hard earned cash on booze that I really loathe. To add to his panhandling antics, he has the audacity to stuff his shoes under a nearby shrub. I assume his goal is to appear as if he can’t even afford footwear, forcing him to stroll the city in freezing subzero temps in just a pair of thin holey socks. Oh, poor you.

He rattles his tin can for a tip. I feel like say…”Hey, you want a tip? How about putting back on your f-ing shoes that are lying 10 feet away from your lazy ass and maybe you will be able to walk somewhere and apply for a job instead of mooching off of society.” I think that’s great advice. It’s the best “tip” he will get all day! Instead, I bite my tongue. I just ignore him and keep on walking.

In a half hearted tone, he throws in the standard “may God bless you” wish. His insincerity could be seen by a blind man. He’s not fooling anyone with his charade. The only fool I see is the man who stands on a snowy wet street corner in filthy socks when his perfectly good shoes are less than 10 feet away! Sympathy? No, I have none for this man. He preys upon those with a bleeding heart and makes a sucker out of them.

And what’s up with the guy holding the “Tell Me Off For $2” sign? First of all dude, you are getting ripped off. Man up. Take one to the bag and you can earn $10 like your fellow bum buddy above. Now granted, you may not be able to reproduce after getting kicked in the Jimmy all day, but do we really want you reproducing anyway? I’m not being mean…ok, maybe I am being mean. But truth be told, you are a burden to society. Start contributing in life and you might actually find yourself with a life, one worth living. And when has anyone actually PAID you to receive permission before telling you off? I think you’ll find most people will tell you off for free and without your ok to do so. I think I just did.

Besides, there is a homeless woman downtown that uses a slew of curse words on me (and every other passerby). Vulgarities so vulgar that they would make a sailor blush and a truker cringe. Words that should only be spewed in a Turkish prison camp. She tells me off on a regular basis and I’ve never made a penny off her. Think I should start collecting? Or maybe I could just wear a “Kick Me” sign on my back and call it a day – a workday that is.