Saying Goodbye To Blogging 1 Post Shy Of 1,000

I turned the water on as hot as I could stand it. Steam quickly filled the room and choked out the air as I stepped naked into the shower. (The next part is embarrassing and humiliating to admit.) Facing the water, I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath and held it as I interlocked my fingers tightly behind my head and leaned forward into the stream pouring down. Titling my head toward the ground, I allowed the water to wash over my neck and back, hoping to release the built-up tension in my shoulders and constriction looming deep within my chest. Then a giant exhale. With my forehead now resting against the shower wall and my forearms squeezing the blood surrounding my temples, I remembered to relax. To stop trying to hold on to it. To let it flow through me like rain. And it did. And as a result, I kind of lost it. I started to cry - a very rare occurrence for me! Although I can't be sure if they were tears or just water droplets from the showerhead falling to my feet. Either way, it doesn't matter and neither does this confession. This story has nothing to do with blogging. Although it does help explain some of the recent events happening in my life which have led to a few decisions, including this one...

Today marks my 999th post here on The Rest Is Still Unwritten. It also marks the day I say goodbye to blogging.

I've always said that the day blogging ceases to be fun for me is the day I step away. That day has come. So I'm stepping back (backspacing?) from writing. I've enjoyed the 5+ year journey, but I no longer feel inspired to write. Lots of things still left to say, just no energy or will to say them. What was once a creative outlet that I've describe as "therapeutic," now feels excruciatingly painful for me to continue. The joy just simply isn't there...and neither are the words. It should go without saying, this makes me incredibly sad.

This isn't an impulse decision. It's something I've been mulling over for some time now, evidence of this Tweet (pictured above) from last week. I considered deleting the entire blog and not saying a word as to why, but I felt that wouldn't be fair to you, the reader. Plus, I didn't want to deal with answering countless questions of what happened, people thinking it was just a system glitch. Instead I'm allowing my little corner of the web to stand as is. You're welcome to browse through the rather extensive Archive. But I can't say when, if ever, I'll return.

My realization is one that is not...umm, happy. In the past, I've seen writing as a gift. For it has given me the ability to express the things in my everyday life that are often too difficult for me to verbalize. So I put pen to paper in my coveted Moleskine or I blog about it here. I write it all out and I write through it. This time it's different. This time I can't write about it and what's even more difficult is that I've realized I have no one to even talk about it with to help me cope. I don't have that type of relationship with any of my buddies or even with anyone in my family. It's like emotional paralysis where feeling too much is leaving me numb. So instead I'm choosing to share nothing. I'm keeping quiet and keeping to myself.

And if the day comes that I feel the urge to write here again, there won't be some lame teaser Tweet to build up online anticipation or a dramatic comeback post! I'll simply slide in just as quietly and unannounced as I slid out.

Because in the end, I want to live by my motto - Write Like No One Is Reading.

xoxo,
David


PS (Please don't e-mail me wanting to suddenly be my friend and offer your ear. While I appreciate the kind gesture and I'm sure you mean well, this letter is not my plea for help. It's more or less a PSA as to what is happening on my blog. Also, I'm sorry if this news leaves anyone feeling disappointed. But understand that life happens. And when it does, we cope the best way we know how. Perhaps this will only be a short hiatus. So keep me in your reader, keep me linked and check back soon. Again, my apologies.)